I miss her so much! So so much! And except for one day I have spoken to her more than once a day! Two of her days in one of mine! Yet I miss her!
I miss everything about being with her! The sex, the chats, the laughs. Oh god yes the laughs, so much that my sides ache and I near pee! And looking into her eye as she holds me by the throat and my eyes roll and I float away to my happy, so very happy place!
So I wrote this for her!
My first Mistress the day she became my Mistress grabbed me by my throat and forced me to my knees as I fought for her to take her hand away, as I fought to breathe, as I struggled to not die. As I struggled to stay on my feet she forced me to my knees and said things to me that I won’t repeat here, I have never repeated them and I am not sure I ever will. That moment I was hers, yet I had never came across this lifestyle before that moment, I was young so very young and knew nothing. Yet that second as I looked up and my eyes began to roll and I dropped heavily into sub space I knew that it was where I belonged. On my knees in front of a woman.
All these years later and having not had a Mistress since those days, I know that she is the right one for me. She brought me to my knees at her house where there was a games night being held last weekend, before I left to come to the UK . I found myself on my knees confused not really sure how I had got there but with an idea of how it might have happened. I know that she had taken me by the throat, yet I don’t remember it really happening. I was on my knees and holding on to her legs and I felt so amazing that I could almost have died at that moment and I would not have cared. I felt so happy, and it struck me! When I am with her I feel nothing but happiness ever!
Now it’s not just to do with the fact that she can take me there so very very quickly and so easily, or that sexually I love being with her both giving and receiving [24 times in a row is the record, I didn't double my record ], or the fact that she so obviously adores me so very, very much. It is just this, clear and simple! She makes me deliriously happy! She makes me smile and she makes me laugh so very much. I love her and she loves me. I need to let go of the age difference, I really need to! The Girl is even younger than her and I have no problem with that because she is not dominating me and I shouldn’t let it bother me just because there is a difference in our ages. I am looking forward to getting to know the Girl better too, I am grateful to my Mistress for allowing me that as well.
Being away is making things easier for me than I thought though! Well other than I miss her so very much! I am sure when I return I will be of a better frame of mind and be able to submit without the worry every time we are apart! My mind is becoming easier about it the more I talk to her and the more I think of her as my Mistress. I haven’t been calling her Ma’am a lot on the phone, but then I haven’t been calling her anything. However, at the Erotic Meet 1st birthday party as well as the day after I referred to her as ‘my Mistress’ and I think I only referred to her by her name once or twice. The more I said it, the more I thought it, the more I felt it!
She is my Mistress, it is becoming less and less important about her and my ages and becoming more and more important that I be with her. I will have my gentlemanly behaviour by the time I get home and I won’t ever make her wait again for me. I belong to her it is plain to everyone who sees us both together, I have been so silly about all this! So my Lady, yet again I am apologising! I know I haven’t done anything recently, but this has been on my mind about the way I think and I wanted you to know that my head is turning now and that when I come home there will be nothing to worry about at all. I can’t wait to serve you properly and begin training for how you wish me to behave, not for how someone I used to know wanted me to.