I am lying in bed ill again today. I feel so fucking shitty and I have vertigo without even moving! It may be my thyroid that is causing the dizziness but it can also just as likely be this fucking virus which has floored me.
My housemate is also off but I can hear her wandering about in the kitchen unlike me who can’t seem to raise myself from this bed. I have just reinstalled the software I tried to install last night on my notebook in preparation for going back to UK. It’s easier to carry than my laptop and if I want to upload any pics I need it rather than just my iPad.
I set up outlook with my email addresses that I use most often and texting the young Mistress and smiling away I felt my heart stop. As the tears rolled down my cheeks I watched as every single email I had ever received from the Mistress flashed up on my screen. Unable to look away and unable to stop the download of my inbox onto the notebook.
It was horrific and I couldn’t tear my eyes away, at this moment they have stopped as there were only a couple of months of them. I haven’t deleted any of them and when setting up my emails I hadn’t thought about the fact that it would download my inbox from online.
I now have to get around to deleting them and all of the text messages as well as all of the ones I sent. I can’t seem to bring myself to do it. I want to and I have looked at them all sitting there (there are quite a few and I don’t care to count how many) but can’t seem to do it.
I miss that contact despite the young Mistress being in contact with me and I know that this will hurt her reading this. However I will be hers when I return by end of July and she knows this already without me saying it to her. I can’t help that I still miss the Mistress and the mind conversations we had.
I miss that stimulation and frustration that she wrought in me. But she is no more and the young one is. When I come home and get over the half year end at work I will kneel for her and once I do she will hear no more of the other again.
I will never hurt her again with talk of the other and I will worship her as she so deserves.