Monday’s should always be like this!!!

Well not really, the title today is pure sarcasm! I’m ill in bed! Eventually I have succumbed to whatever shit has been hanging about me for the last week! I was in bed all day yesterday too and it hasn’t helped at all! I have such a sore throat which always makes me scared as this is the way this fucking disease made itself known big time to me.

Then, I was in bed for over 3 months from September to Christmas! And even when eventually managed to get dressed every second day the days in between were  spent sleeping with exhaustion from the effort. And it took another month or so before I could even work after that!

So every time my throat gets this bad I start to panic that again I might  get extremely ill.  I had no voice for 16 weeks then and it has happened since I arrived in Australia but for just 3 weeks. I’m worried though as I’ve been getting vertigo again while sitting still and not moving. It really is worrying when I am having a lot of old symptoms return.  Like my hair falling out again!

I have very little sick days left either which is why I’ve been putting off giving in to how I’ve been feeling.

It could just be the stress I have been under recently. I have a lump though and I never got it checked at Christmas and it’s still there. Someone shoot me please!

I have docs in 2 weeks and I will get him to check it then, not sure why he didn’t check my neck last time as he normally always does, since I, according to him am now at risk of thyroid cancer.  Ok I am obviously in that type of mood so will now stop writing!

The Mistress replied to my apology email yesterday, She has said for now we will go back to emails like we used to. I am lucky She has even suggested that.  I have behaved appallingly! She may of course decide yet that She wants nothing further to do with me!

There is something else going on too but I refuse to put  it down on the screen! It’s not a secret but it’s too raw and I don’t  know what to do about it! I tried not to let it happen, but it has and now I don’t know what to do.

I also made The Girl cry, I fucking suck big time right now! So am staying away from the next party before I hurt anyone else or fuck anything else up. I need some growing up time I think!